Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Oracle Performance Problems and Root Canals

Take a look at this picture. Would you know if this guy was having a toothache or a bad Oracle performance problem?

As I had a root canal this morning, I had the opportunity to ponder how a root canal and a nasty Oracle performance problem are alike. Yes, this is a stretch, but my mouth is sore and I'm in a this is it.

Anyway, when you have a problem with a tooth that requires a root canal to alleviate the pain, there are several things going on.
1) The pain is nearing the point where you're fine with any solution that will just stop the pain. You don't really care about what happens afterwards, you just want the current pain to end.
2) There is no amount of money that is too much to pay to get the relief you want/need.
3) All the soft, gentle words about how everything's going to be alright from the guy who is going to fix the problem only tick you off. (Remember #1.) Just shut up and fix it already!

Have you ever had a really bad performance problem hit and everyone is having a fit to get it fixed? Your users are screaming, your management is know the drill, right? Think about it for a second...I think the same 3 things that happen when you're in need of a root canal are the same 3 things that happen when you've got a performance problem and it needs to be solved. I actually had a colleague say to me "this is about as fun as a root canal" once when we were working on a problem that was a very big pain to the business (and therefore to us).

Now that I've experienced both, I can say the similarities are so alike as to certainly be in the same category. But, after today's root canal, I'm of the mind that I'd much rather have the pain of an Oracle performance problem to suffer through. Well...except for a performance problem they don't give you nice pain killers and anesthetic to get you through it! Maybe the root canal isn't so bad after all... :)

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